Dear Ann Landers (Aloha Friday)

Friday, June 12, 2009

It's Friday, and that means (if I lived in Hawaii), according to Kailani at An Island Life, it's time to take it easy and get ready for the weekend!

My topic for this week: I'll admit it. I'm an advice column fan. With each edition of our local newspaper, I make sure to read the advice column.

Ok, I'm more like an addict. But I can't help it. Some of the things people write in are...well, hilarious!

I guess writing to Ann Landers (or now her successor and only child, Margo Howard) or her twin sister "Dear Abby," can be just about as anonymous as one can get.

You can (still) mail your letter in, and a postmark may be the only indicator of where it's coming from - and with those little blue boxes on every corner from here to Timbuktu, even that's iffy.

So today I decided to it would be fun to play with the idea of writing in. And how about this? I'll give the question, YOU give the advice - play Ann Landers for a day!

My Question:

A friend has a son who is 19 and recently graduated high school. He was an straight A student, a member of the National Honor Society, and an active participant in the JROTC program. However, lately he has proven that grade point averages and program participation mean nothing when it comes to determining common sense. He is currently employed and still lives at home, but turns over his biweekly pay to a girlfriend - or what's left after he makes the car payment on the vehicle he purchased for her. All the while, he is without a vehicle and insists on his parents driving him to and from work - and bumming rides from others to other events. The girlfriend - term used loosely - is obviously using him as she is never available to take him to and from work or other places and always making excuses of why she can't see him.

Just watching this irresponsibility and abuse by the girlfriend and to his parents is driving me insane.

While I realize it's not really my business and I should stay out of it, what would be your advise to his parents if they had written this letter?


12 chatted about this topic:

OLLIE MCKAY'S ~ A Chic Boutique June 12, 2009 at 8:43 AM  

Hmm. . . .sorta a no-brainer!Hey - get your own ride to work! If you're not going to attend some sort of college or school etc. then you have "x" amount of days/time to stay here while you find you're own place and then you will be financially responsible for yourself and your expenses. Offer to pay his health insurance for a certain amount of time while he looks for a job that will offer him health insurance. This may help him to see things a little clearer???!!

Andrea McMann June 12, 2009 at 9:28 AM  

I'm sorry but teenagers can be so dumb. I was an A student in high school, but still stupid when it came to matters of the heart. The sad truth is, if his parents put his foot down, they'll probably lose their relationship with him, at least for a little while. My kids are still young (thank God!), so I don't reallly have any good advice, except we all have to make our own mistakes, and teenagers don't listen to anyone (at least I didnt)!

Diane June 12, 2009 at 9:58 AM  

well, he's 19 so he's an adult. he needs to figure his own way. at his age his parent's should offer advice and (emotional) support, but otherwise, he's his own man.

too bad he's going to get his heart broken by this leach of a girlfriend, but it's how we learn.

i made many mistakes before i figured some things out for myself. and it sounds like he will too.

great blog! have a super weekend!

Janel@Dandelion Dayz June 12, 2009 at 10:36 AM  

I agree some tough love is in order for his young man. He probably will find out the hard way, though when she breaks his heart. Unfortunately, that is how some kids choose to learn - the hard way. Hopefully, the harder the lesson the more it sticks for the future.

Tara June 12, 2009 at 11:24 AM  

Definitely needs some tough love.. He may be as angry as can be right now with some stern advice..but.. in the end when he matures he will thank them. Kids in "love" at such a young age.. ugh.. it makes me want to rip my hair out sometimes..because they just don't see life for what it is.. don't see the consequences.. and for that reason. God gave them parents to help guide them :)

Becca June 12, 2009 at 3:47 PM  

His parents need to stop enabling him, but they also can't tell him what to do. I think it's nice that they let him live at home, but they shouldn't continue to give him rides. Once he isn't being enabled, he might wise up!

Brandi June 12, 2009 at 5:54 PM  

Oh jeeze...I am kinda a tell it like it is type of person so I would probably tell them that he is being stupid, and to stop giving him rides...Also to tell him to stop giving her all of his money! (but probably not as nice, the parents or the kid probably wouldn't talk to me for a while!)

Baba June 12, 2009 at 7:32 PM  

Dear Kimberly;
I would advise you friend to tell her son to marry this gf or leave her. He should not still be home giving his paycheck to someone outside the home. If he is, then he needs to move out and become his own man. He is responsible for his own future, not his gf unless he plans to marry her.


Pamela Kramer June 12, 2009 at 9:46 PM  

It's time for him to move out of the house.

Kristen Andrews June 12, 2009 at 9:48 PM  

maybe he needs to pay some rent to his parents that way he will realize that he shouldn't be giving money away to the "girlfriend"

AudreyO June 12, 2009 at 10:25 PM  

That's really tough. Why are the parents allowing it?

Amy A.K.A. "The Mrs." June 13, 2009 at 2:41 PM  

Sounds like a certain 19-year-old boy is needing a lesson in "consequences". If he feels adult enough to buy a car for someone other than himself and make the payments on it, he should also be responsible enough to get his butt to work on his own and take care of himself, no? His parents need to nudge him out of the nest and let him learn the consequences of his decisions.

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